If talking to your children about sex makes you shudder with fear, you’re not alone. But here’s some good news: When young people have medically-accurate information about sexuality, they are more likely to delay the onset of sexual activity. And when they do become sexually active, they are less likely to face an unintended pregnancy or sexually-transmitted infection.
How do you get started if you’re uncomfortable with the topic?
Here are the top tips we’ve learned from talking to our own kids about sex!
1) Start early – No, you’re not going to start reading the Kama Sutra to your preschooler, but start discussing anatomy and sexual health at an early age. If you are menstruating, you might begin by showing your child a tampon or a pad and explain that you’re having your period.
2) Answer questions dispassionately – Oh, my period? That’s when blood and tissue from my uterus are released through my vagina every month or so. It doesn’t hurt much (sometimes I get cramps and sometimes feel hella grumpy, though).
3) Regard all body parts as if they were an elbow – Your child will notice his or her genitalia at a young age. If you’re a “naked house,” your kids will notice yours. Simply name a vagina or penis and explain that is what they were born with. Don’t give cutsie nicknames to genitals because that signals to children that body parts have different value, importance, and secrecy. Do you call your elbow your bendy-wendy spot? (Please say no!)
4) Keep the conversation going – Get rid of the idea that you’ll be having “the talk” with your children. It will be an ongoing series of discussions that evolve as children age. If the topic were volleyball, you wouldn’t have one conversation and then eagerly close the chapter. Treat sexuality as you would any other subject. Great conversation starters are discussing a movie or TV show, seeing pregnant women, and spotting babies in their strollers (or even better, nursing!).
Here’s the hard truth: Discussions about sex are uncomfortable because we are uncomfortable with sexuality. Our culture constantly gives us conflicting messages like: Sex is dirty and bad…but save it for someone you love!
We owe it to our kids to break the cycle of discomfort around sexuality. They will have happier, healthier attitudes about sex if we can take a deep breath and remember that talking openly and honestly about sex is one of the greatest gifts we can give our children.
Learn more about family communication at planned.org/houseparty.
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Tags: talking about sex