Someone asked us: I heard sex hurts the first time you have it. Is it painful for girls to have sex for the first time??
While it’s not true for everyone, some people with a vagina may feel some pain the first time they have sex. If you haven’t put anything into your vagina before (like a finger, penis, or sex toy), it can hurt to have something go into it for the first time.
This is because of a thin piece of tissue called the hymen that lines the inside opening of the vagina. The first time you have vaginal sex, that tissue can stretch open and cause pain and light bleeding. If you don’t have pain or bleeding the first time, it’s possible that your hymen has already been stretched open from bike riding, sports, or other everyday physical activities. Or you maybe never had much of a hymen to begin with — everyone’s body is different. It may help to slowly stretch your hymen open before having sex for the first time. This can be done on your own with your fingers or a sex toy. If this is painful, it’s a good idea to check in with a nurse or doctor to make sure everything’s OK.
But in general, vaginal sex shouldn’t hurt, it should be pleasurable for everyone involved. Using lube can help make sex feel more comfortable because there’s less friction. Going slow and openly communicating with your partner throughout can also help you make sure to feel safe and good about the experience.
It’s also important to stop if anything hurts. Communicate with your partner about how you feel and check in on each other while you’re having sex. You never have to have sex that’s painful or uncomfortable.
Protecting yourself against pregnancy and STDs the first time you have vaginal sex is also important. If you’re going to be using latex or polyisoprene condoms don’t use anything that has oil in it as a lube— like lotion or coconut oil. Oil can damage latex and polyisoprene condoms and make them break.
The first time you have sex can be an experience that brings a lot of different feelings, both physical and emotional. Whether you’re already in a relationship with someone or not, we hope these tips help you prepare you for your first time so you can stay safe and feel good!