While I was growing up, my dad used to tell me “Words mean things.” It was his way of encouraging me to be thoughtful and intentional about how I expressed myself regardless of my emotions. In my earliest memories he would say this to me as he helped me to better express my thoughts, feelings, or questions. As I got older, I remember asking him why he would always say that. I thought it was annoying because of course words mean things. He laughed and said, “common sense isn’t common.” At this point I was done. He explained one vague and cryptic message of thoughtfulness with another. I rolled my eyes and walked away in the way only an all-knowing teenager could but the phrase “words mean things” stayed with me throughout my life.
Being a part of the Black Employee Resource Group has created a space for collective curiosity and critiquing of the status quo. It has become a meaningful space for Black employees like me to ask important questions and engage in critical conversation about topics that impact our daily lives in the workplace and beyond.
In December 2021, Dr. Jenn M. Jackson went viral on Twitter after they opened a conversation about the impact of courage culture on Black people in which they critiqued Brené Brown’s messaging and its relatability to the intersectional experience of Black People. Their perspective brought forward an online debate about belonging and inclusion in empowerment and motivational publishing spaces. The value of Dr. Jackson’s viral opinion went beyond being the catalyst for these conversations, it also encouraged other Black people to add to the dialogue and think about what vulnerability means through their intersectional experiences.
For Black people, it can be common to hear how strong and resilient we are. And while those traits are often meant as compliments and are admirable and useful in some situations, they can also be harmful to our health and healing journeys. The space to be soft and vulnerable is not always afforded to many Black people. Even further, it may not always be safe. To achieve true change and equality in our society, we need to be able to express our emotions, go to therapy, and ask for help when needed without the fear of stigma and shame.
We asked Black staff at Planned Parenthood of the Pacific Southwest to share their perspectives about what vulnerability means and when, if ever, they felt safe enough to express that emotion.
The examples below reflect some of the experiences and perspectives Black staff have about vulnerability:
“To me, Vulnerability means being comfortable, confident and true to self at the same time.”
“Being able to be my authentic self, even when I'm not at my very best.”
“Vulnerability means strength but I have to work ten times as hard to be strong because I don’t typically feel safe in the world. I have a very solid, professional exterior so that I can not only survive but thrive. So now as an adult, the more I learn, the more I grow but still not really sure how to really show up as me and allow vulnerability to be shown and experienced from my perspective.”
“Vulnerability means being able to express your emotions in a safe place. Being able to express how you feel without having your emotions thrown back at you, or used against you.”
“Being vulnerable means sharing something about myself to others. Something that takes me out of my comfort zone. It's difficult to share how I feel because I will be perceived as another angry or aggressive Black person.”
“Showing who I really am to others, not letting them fit me into a box of what a black person should be but showing the parts of myself that I have been afraid to let others see in the past. It's also admitting my imperfections and the spaces where I need help and support.”
“Vulnerability means to me to be able to have a safe space to express ones feelings and thoughts in an open and transparent way without feeling as if they will be judged or made to feel that they are indifferent or that they're wrong in how they feel. Being a Black Woman feel that our culture is not comfortable in this forum so safe space needs to be felt at the forefront to change mindsets”
These examples show that vulnerability means something uniquely different to us all. Dr. Jackson said that courage is not objective and that “like everything in society, courage and vulnerability are mitigated by race, gender, ability, sexuality, etc.” We all want the space and opportunities to be vulnerable but how that looks might be different.
For me, vulnerability is the ability to express myself without worrying about what someone might think about me, what I said, how I said it, what it means about me, and how it defines who I am as a Black woman. It also requires people, particularly in a workplace environment, to do the work of learning and living our DEI values to ensure people are being heard, valued, and included enough to be vulnerable.
Are you able to express vulnerability? If so, when? With whom? If not, what is in the way of you expressing vulnerability?
Don’t tell him I said this, but my dad was right. Words do mean things but what they mean and to whom also matter to build understanding, encourage support and reinforce inclusion. As we continue our learning journeys, we can be curious about how the language we use engages or disengages our colleagues. How are we creating and supporting the spaces that truly value the perspectives and experiences of others?
Tags: