Abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of gender, race, or sexual orientation. The hard truth is that one in three teens in the U.S. will experience physical, sexual, or emotional abuse by someone they are in a relationship with before they become adults. If you’re worried your teen is in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, here’s what you can do.
- Look out for warning signs. These include things like: seeming anxious or depressed — like a big change in appetite, sleep, grades, or interests; isolation — are they avoiding friends or family they used to spend time with? Are there signs that their partner is keeping tabs on them or controlling their behavior? Are you noticing unexplained injuries?
- It may seem obvious, but what's most important is that your teen knows — no matter what — you love them and you want to keep them safe. Whether you suspect they may be in a violent dating situation or you simply want to be proactive, be sure to communicate your love and trust. Tell them that abusive relationships are the abuser’s fault, not the victim's. So avoid saying anything that could sound like you’re blaming them for getting into the situation.
- Remind your teen of the kind of respect and love they deserve. And when — and if — they share some out-of-bounds thing their partner has done or said, focus on the action instead of blaming the person. Coming down too hard on the partner may cause your teen to keep information from you
- If they do confide in you, or you see warning signs, try to encourage your teen to break up with them — keep their needs and values at the center, not yours. But remember that they could choose to stay with that person, or leave once and then go back to them. If this happens, your teen needs to know they won’t be in trouble with you and that you’ll still help them when they need it. It often takes several times of breaking up and getting back together before someone leaves an abusive relationship for good.
It can feel really scary to think your teen might be in an abusive relationship. For more help, check out the Love Is Respect hotline and other resources. You can also seek support from a counselor or other mental health professional, for both you and your teen.