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What do I do if the guy is hurting me during sex?

The answer to this question depends on what exactly is happening during sex. If the guy is unintentionally or accidentally hurting you, it’s important to let him know what you’re feeling, so the two of you can figure out how to make sex more pleasurable. If it’s an accident, chances are he’ll want to stop and do something else that feels good for both of you. Communication is a really important part of any healthy relationship, sexual or not. Saying, “Can we try something else? That doesn’t feel good for me,” or, “This might be too much” can make sex — and your relationship — better. And on the flipside: when something feels good, let your partner know!

You never have to continue having sex if you decide you don’t want to anymore. Whether or not you’re in pain, you should always tell your partner if you don’t want to continue.

If your partner is not willing to stop, and is knowingly and/or intentionally hurting you or making you uncomfortable during sex, that is not okay. If someone hurts you on purpose in any situation, sexual or not, that’s a really big red flag, and it’s never acceptable. It’s important that you remove yourself from the situation as soon as possible, and then talk to someone you trust about what’s going on. You can visit your local Planned Parenthood health center — the staff there can provide you with help and information. You might also want to contact the support network RAINN for additional resources.

Tags: consent, sexual abuse, painful sex

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