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I am a male in a relationship with a girl. Is it wrong to question my sexuality while I am in a relationship?

No — it’s never wrong to question your sexuality.  And you’re not alone. It can take years, or even a lifetime, to understand your sexual orientation. Often, people find that they’re “questioning” for quite a while. People who are attracted to both men and women often call themselves bisexual.  You might feel that this label describes you, or you might not.

Feeling attracted to other guys doesn’t make your relationship with your girlfriend any less real. If the questions you’re having about your sexuality are making you feel like you don’t want to be in a relationship with your girlfriend right now, that’s fine — but if you don’t feel that way, and want to maintain this relationship, that’s great, too.

It’s up to you to decide whether you want to talk with your girlfriend about what you’re feeling. She might be totally accepting of this and be willing to talk it all out with you — but it’s also possible that this information could confuse or upset her. Any situation that involves revealing your sexuality to another person could be a little risky. If you feel that she might react in a hurtful way, you aren’t obligated to tell her. If you do decide to talk with your girlfriend about what you’re feeling, reassure her that this doesn’t mean you’re rejecting her, but rather that you’re telling her because you trust her and want to tell her about the things you think about and struggle with.

The one exception to this is if you want to go out there are explore your attraction to other guys. If that’s the case, then you need to make sure you’re taking care of your and your girlfriend’s health. This means telling her what you want to do before you do it, and using birth control and condoms if you’re having sex to prevent pregnancy and STDs. But again — you might not be there yet, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

If a lot of this answer feels like it’s saying the same thing over and over again — “if this, that’s cool, if not, that’s fine, too” — it’s because you have a lot of choices here, and they all depend on what you feel most comfortable doing. In the meantime, you can read more about sexual orientation here.

Tags: LGBTQ, relationships, questioning, bisexuality