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Why don’t i get an erection? When i masturbate at home, i do not have problems with my erection, but when i am with my girlfriend (and past partners) i have trouble maintaining an erection. It’s really bothering me, it has happened at least 10 times, and it really bothers me. I’ve tried relaxing around her, but nothing helps at all. I can’t talk to my parents about it and i feel so alone, what do i do?

Many people have a difficult time getting or keeping an erection. This can happen for many reasons, but some of the most common causes are nervousness, anxiety, or using alcohol or other drugs. The nervousness and anxiety you mention when having sex with your girlfriend can come from thoughts about what you’re doing, your body, or even what your girlfriend is thinking.  You can try and talk to your partner about these things, as she may be having the same thoughts or feelings too! This may help lower your nervousness and allow you to become more relaxed and turned on enough to have an erection in front of her. 

When masturbating at home by yourself, you can also think about what helps you get and stay relaxed to maintain your erection. See if you can try and do the same things when having sex with your girlfriend. Openly communicating what feels good and why can help you feel comfortable with her in the same way you feel comfortable when masturbating on your own. 

If you’re not comfortable talking to your partner about it, talking to a close and trusted adult or friend, or mental health professional, like a therapist, can also help lower the anxiety you may feel about it. 

If getting or keeping an erection continues to bother you, an appointment with a nurse or doctor at your nearest Planned Parenthood health center can help you get the care you need and check to make sure everything is okay. 

Tags: sex, masturbation, erections

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