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Someone asked us: I have a question. I can't have sex with my girlfriend because my penis is a little big and she says I hurt her. Can a penis be too big for a vagina? What can I do?

We get this question a lot: how big is too big for a penis? Penises come in different sizes. Sometimes, a long or thick penis can result in sex that’s uncomfortable — or even painful — for the person being penetrated. The good news is that there are things you can do to prevent pain and help make sure that sex is as pleasurable for your partner as it is for you. 

Foreplay is key. Foreplay includes kissing, caressing, sharing sexual fantasies, fingering, and using sex toys. The purpose of foreplay is to increase sexual arousal. This is especially important for people with vaginas, as being aroused helps prepare your body for penetration by increasing vaginal lubrication (wetness). 

Lube is your friend. Wetness helps make penetration easier, and lube helps your vagina get wetter. And if you’re having anal sex, lube is extra important, because unlike your vagina, your anus doesn’t make its own lubrication. 

Take it slow. Take things slow when penetrating your partner. This gives your partner time to get used to the size of your penis. And you can always take breaks if you need to — so make sure to communicate with your partner about what feels good and what doesn’t.

Try another position. In some cases, a person with a long penis may bump it against their partner's cervix during vaginal sex, which can be painful. If this is happening, try a position that allows your partner to have more control over the penetration.

Check in with your partner. Communication is super important. You’re not a mind reader, so make sure to ask how things are going. And always listen and respect your partner’s limits and needs.

Learn more about sex and pleasure. 

Tags: sex, penis, pain, penis size, pleasure, painful sex, penetration

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