Living as Your Most Authentic Self

You deserve to live life as your most authentic, complete self. However you identify, whoever you love, and whatever you do to express yourself – you belong.  

Allowing people in on your personal journey can feel scary and intimidating. It can also feel empowering and fulfilling. That is completely normal and okay! It is all about going at your own pace and doing what feels right for you. You deserve to be loved and respected for who you are.  

As you explore your identity, below are some empowered actions you can take. 

Being Open with Yourself 

Our culture, and often those closest to us, teach us that we are “supposed to” be attracted to certain people and look, act and carry ourselves in specific ways. This is a traditional way of thinking. We are not meant to all fit into the same mold. You, and only you, are in charge of your own identity. You alone have the freedom to define yourself.  

We can realize who we are at any and all stages of our lives — whether we’re children or teens, seniors, married, single, with children or without. There is no wrong time in your life to realize and begin living openly as who you are. Your feelings are always valid. 

It is important to prioritize accepting how you feel and why you feel this way. Being open with yourself about your identity will allow you to find your inner acceptance and help invite others in whenever you are ready.  

Coming Out vs. Inviting In 

When a person realizes they are LGBTQ+, they may decide to tell others about their sexual orientation and/or gender identity, a process often called “coming out.” This may also refer to the journey of an individual accepting themselves as LGBTQ+. Some may use “inviting in” to describe the process of letting others get to know who they truly are. The concept of “inviting in” reminds us that others must put in the work to allow us to feel safe and comfortable being fully open as our authentic selves. 

The experience of “coming out” or “inviting in” covers a wide range of emotions and looks different for everyone. You may choose to "come out” or to “invite in.” Either way, you are in control of your journey and only you can decide what is best for you.   

Coming Out is a Personal Choice 

Knowing where and how you can be your most authentic, full self is an important step in the journey of identity development. For some people, formally disclosing your identity or coming out feels important, for others it is not. This is a deeply personal choice.  

There is no right or wrong way to come out. The anticipation of sharing an exciting, intimate part of you and also having no control of the reaction can feel like a roller coaster. Throughout the process of coming out and living ever more openly, you should always be in the driver’s seat. 

There are lots of different ways to come out! Here are just a few examples: 

• Calling someone on the phone 

• Sending a text or email 

• Writing a letter 

• Creating art 

• Talking with someone in person 

You might want to start by talking with other people who are LGBTQ+.  Sometimes it’s also helpful to talk to adults you trust, like a counselor, social worker, teacher, or supportive family member, to help you decide when you want to come out, and who to come out to. It is all about what works for you, wherever you are on your journey. 

Having the Conversation

It’s common to want or hope for positive reactions from the people you tell, but keep in mind that may not happen immediately. It might help to try to anticipate their possible reactions, potential questions and next steps.  

Supportive people will generally take their cues from you as to how they should approach things, so if you’re open about your feelings, they’re more likely to follow your lead. Asking if they have any questions throughout the conversation can help reassure them that it is okay to need more context. That said, reactions vary, and others may intentionally or unintentionally make you feel bad about your sexual orientation.  

Maintaining awareness of your own feelings is essential. This is your moment. If someone you come out to has a reaction that makes you feel negatively, consider letting them know that they hurt you or pausing the conversation until you are ready again. Always remember that you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. 

It is also important to keep in mind that knowledge of the LGBTQ+ community may vary from person to person. Some may have a great understanding of LGBTQ+ identities where others may have deeply rooted bias or misconceptions. While you cannot control others’ level of education when you come out, you may want to provide them with factual, inclusive resources that point them in the right direction. A few resources can be found at the end of this blog! 

An important thing to know is that for a lot of people, coming out doesn’t just happen once. A lot of folks find themselves coming out at different times to different people. You may share more with one person due to comfort and may share less with another who may have a harder time understanding. Do what feels right and what makes you feel safest.  

Loving Your Most Authentic Self 

You are brave. You are resilient. You are important. Being your most authentic self is exactly who you were meant to be.  

The twists and turns of emotion when it comes to coming out can often take a huge toll on mental health and confidence. Remember to take the time to take care of your body, your mind, and your heart. The world is a better place with you in it! 

Planned Parenthood of Greater Ohio is always here to provide compassionate, inclusive reproductive health care and education. We are here for you! To learn more about identity, sexual orientation, and allyship, visit our Understanding Gender Identity and Being an LGBTQ+ Ally blogs.