Being an LGBTQ+ Ally

At Planned Parenthood of Greater Ohio (PPGOH) we believe everyone should have the freedom to live an authentic life, and we honor and celebrate the diversity, strength, humanity, and power of LGBTQ+ communities.  

Every person has their own journey in understanding what it means to support LGBTQ+ people, whether you’re LGBTQ+ or not. Learning is an ongoing experience, so it’s okay to acknowledge that you might not know some things, even after reading this resource. Part of being a good ally is continuing your education, and we’re happy to be part of that journey with you.

What is LGBTQ+ 

Let’s start with the basics. LGBTQ+ stands for “lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and more.” Many people and organizations use “LGBTQ+” as a catch-all term for the non-cisgender and non-straight community, but the acronym varies depending on culture and style. For example, depending on a group’s audience or mission, you may see them using “LGBTQIA” or “LGBT”.  PPGOH uses LGBTQ+, with the plus sign representing all the many identities on the queer spectrum.

Here are a few key terms: 

• Lesbian: Refers to a woman who is emotionally, romantically, and/or physically attracted to other women.  

• Gay: A term used to describe people who are emotionally, romantically, and/or physically attracted to people of the same gender. This term should not be used to define all LGBTQ+ people as it excludes other sexual orientations and genders. 

• Bisexual: Refers to an individual who is emotionally, romantically, and/or physically attracted to people of more than one gender. 

• Transgender: Describes people whose gender identity does not necessarily match the gender they were assigned at birth. Transgender people may or may not decide to receive gender-affirming care to physically match their gender identity. This term is often shortened to “trans.” 

• Queer: A term used by some LGBTQ+ people to describe themselves. It was used negatively in the past and now is reclaimed by some to be inclusive. Due to its various meanings, use this word only when self-identifying or quoting an individual who self-identifies as queer.  

• Nonbinary: Refers to people who do not identify exclusively as a man or a woman. Nonbinary people may identify as being both a man and a woman, somewhere in between, or as falling completely outside these categories. Some may also identify as transgender, while some may not.  

• Cisgender: A term for people whose gender identity matches the sex or gender they were assigned at birth. 

Understanding Identity 

Sexual orientation is about who you’re attracted to and who you feel drawn to romantically, emotionally, and physically. It’s different than gender identity. Gender identity isn’t about who you’re attracted to, but about who you are — male, female, genderqueer, etc.  

No identity exists on its own, including LGBTQ+ identities. People aren’t just gay or just transgender — they are a combination of many identities, such as a bisexual, Black, middle-class woman, or a young, white, queer man. 

For many people, labels can be liberating, a way to express themselves and find others who relate to their experiences. For others who are questioning or exploring their identity, going without a label is more comfortable than committing to one right away. 

Respecting someone’s identity and using the correct labels is especially important in allyship. Be careful not to tell others how you think they should or shouldn’t label their identity. Gender identity and sexual orientation are a personal experience. There is no right or wrong way to define who you are, and it’s okay if you don’t want to label yourself either. 

When Someone Comes Out to You 

Coming out refers to the process that people who are LGBTQ+ go through as they work to accept their sexual orientation or gender identity and share that identity openly with other people. This experience can feel like a rollercoaster, the anticipation of sharing someone's authentic self and having no control of the reaction. 

Learning that someone you know and care about is part of the LGBTQ+ community can open a range of emotions, from confused to concerned, awkward to honored. It may be hard to understand how to react, what to say, and how to show honest support. This is completely normal. 

It is important to remember that this moment is not about you — it’s about them — and this individual who came out to you is searching for support and acceptance. Feeling confused or uncomfortable does not make you a bad person. It doesn’t mean you are homophobic, biphobic or transphobic. It does mean, however, that you should take the time to work through your feelings, on your own, fully, and honestly so that you can reach a place of support for your friend, loved one or acquaintance without reservation. 

If someone has not come out to you, do not assume that they do not trust or care for you. The person may not be ready, may not feel safe, or may still be coming to terms with their own sexual orientation or gender identity.

Ways to Show Support 

All people deserve to live life as their most authentic and complete self. Allies should support whatever journey someone may be on and respect their decisions. Ensuring individuals feel seen and valued can bring joy to an emotional experience.  

There are many ways that you can show your support for the LGBTQ+ people in your life. It is essential to find motives that feel most natural for you. Attending Pride events and discussing LGBTQ+ topics on social media might not feel like the path for you but reading a book written by a queer author may feel like a better fit!

Here are a few ways to authentically show support: 

• When socializing with straight, cisgender friends and family 

  • Find opportunities to talk openly with your straight and/or cisgender friends about your LGBTQ+ friends and family and the issues they face. 

  • Casually mention a news item about an LGBTQ+ issue in a positive way. 

  • Practice using inclusive and affirming language, like referring to a group of people as “friends” or “everyone” instead of “you guys” or saying, “reproductive rights” instead of “women’s rights.”  

• When socializing with LGBTQ+ friends and family 

  • Make sure that you include the partners of your LGBTQ+ loved ones in events and activities, just as you would any other friend’s spouse or significant other. 

  • Attend Pride celebrations and other LGBTQ+ community events. 

  • Listen to their lived experiences and ask how you can provide support.  

• At work 

  • Add your pronouns to your email signature or share your pronouns when introducing yourself to new friends or colleagues. 

  • Integrate inclusive language into your regular conversations, professional interactions and/or spiritual life. 

• On your own 

  • Read, listen to, or watch pieces of work that uplift LGBTQ+ voices.  

  • Get involved with LGBTQ+ groups and campaigns and contact your elected officials about LGBTQ+ rights. 

  • Support LGBTQ+ issues in every aspect of your life — even if there are no LGBTQ+ people there to watch. 

We’re proud to provide care and education to LGBTQ+ people in our communities, as well as to those who love them. We know how important it is to feel safe, supported, and affirmed. That's why we are committed to providing inclusive, affirming reproductive health care and sexual health education to all.  To learn more, visit our Understanding Gender Identity blog or explore the resources throughout our website.