Five things to keep in mind before your “first time”

You’ve decided that you’re ready to have sex. Here’s how to help make sure the sex you have is a positive, pleasurable, and safe experience … for you and for your partner!

1. First things first: you need consent and honest communication. Talk with the person you’re going to have sex with about what you want, ask them what they want to do, and come to an agreement together. Sex is a lot more fun if both people can say what they need and what feels comfortable. It’s not always easy to talk about sex, but no one is a mind-reader. 
2. Remember that the media gives us expectations about sex that are actually not very realistic. What you read, watch, or listen to helps you have an idea of what sex is going to be like. However, the majority of the time, TV shows, movies, and porn paint a false picture about sex. Your first time might be more awkward and less sexy than you thought it would be, and that’s totally normal. Talking about what you’re expecting can help both of you feel more comfortable during an experience as intimate as this one. 
3. Depending on what type of sex you have, you may feel some discomfort or pain the first time. If you have vaginal or anal sex for the first time, it may be uncomfortable, or feel good, or both! Some people have a little pain and/or bleeding when a penis, fingers, or sex toys go into their vagina or anus, but it doesn’t happen to everybody. Oral sex doesn’t generally hurt, even the first time. No matter what type of sex you’re having, go slowly at first, make sure you’re both relaxed, listen to each other, and pay attention to how your body feels. If your partner is doing something that hurts or makes you uncomfortable, tell them. 
4. Lube can be your best friend. Water and silicone-based lubes are excellent options to help make vaginal sex more comfortable and enjoyable. Lube is a must-have if you’re having anal sex, since your anus doesn’t make its own lubrication. If you're using latex condoms, don’t use oil-based lubes. Oil breaks down these types of condoms, putting you at risk for pregnancy and STDs. 
5. Pregnancy can happen anytime you have vaginal sex, even if it’s the first time. In addition, STDs can spread through any type of sexual activity that involves skin-to-skin contact or contact with body fluids like sperm, vaginal fluids, or blood. So talk with your partner about the importance of using condoms, how to have safer sex, and if you want to use birth control. 

Check out our video for more info on what happens during sex.