He died.
He didn’t have to.
I grew up in an extremely religious environment where you were "not allowed" to be gay. I also grew up in a religious environment where some of the most talented people I’ve ever met were gay.
My friend was one of them. He was extremely charismatic and a choir director like none other. I’m convinced he could direct a cemetery of the dead and bring life back into their bodies. That’s the energy he possessed and exuded. He gave his all every single time he directed. After directing the entire congregation into a frenzy, he’d sit and listen to the preacher condemn him to hell. But he continued to go, and he continued to direct. He loved God even though he heard that God thought him a sinner because of his sexual orientation. We all continued to go. And many of us suffered. Depression, suicide, suicide attempts, unsafe sexual practices and even marrying the opposite sex in an attempt to mask who we really were. I am still healing from the years of the self-loathing that consumed me. This isn’t an attack on institutional religion; it just happened to be our reality. I look back and just wish that we had been educated on the resources that were available to us. I wish that we had a safe space to ask our questions. I believe so many of us could and would have made different decisions for our health if we just had access to information. He died.
He didn’t have to.
One day he learned that he was HIV positive. Fortunately for him, science had progressed to the point where he could continue to live a long and healthy life. And for a while, he did. However, HIV meds back then were extremely expensive. They still are. He fought his insurance company when they wanted to refuse to pay for the drugs that kept him alive. He fought for over 2 years. His doctor pleaded with him to not give up. But, he was tired of fighting. He had to fight for his existence as a human being his entire life and he got tired of fighting for just his right to live.
February 7th is National Black HIV/AIDS Awareness Day. I fight every day for those living with HIV, and those at risk of contracting HIV, as a way to honor my friend. I fight through my work as a Board Member with Planned Parenthood Southwest Ohio. Planned Parenthood continues to cross every barrier set before it to serve the community that so desperately needs access to care. That so desperately deserves it. Planned Parenthood is determined to make sure that those in need of health care receive the care that every human being deserves. Everyone deserves a safe space to be educated on better health practices and have that space to take charge of their health. Planned Parenthood Southwest Ohio provides such a space – safe, caring, knowledgeable, patient, non-judgmental, diverse, and loving.
We have come a long way in the HIV epidemic. Individuals who have contracted the virus usually take one pill a day that keeps them healthy and living a normal life. In fact, if a person adheres to their regimen, and once they achieve viral suppression, there is zero chance that they will pass the virus on to someone else. ZERO. There is also PrEP for those that are at risk of contracting the virus but are still HIV negative. Think of it as birth control for HIV. It’s no longer a death sentence. There is an end in sight. In order to totally eradicate this virus for good everyone has to know their status. Get into treatment if you need to, or get a prescription for PrEP if you’re at risk. Talking about HIV is not easy for everyone. It’s one of my favorite subjects. Of course, it’s what I talk about every single day. It’s not the scary monster that it used to be. Get tested. Know your status. Let’s come together and rid the world of this virus once and for all.
I miss my friend. Immensely.
He died.
You and I don’t have to.
Get yourself tested. We’re in this. Together.
Get Care
There’s no cure for HIV, but there are medicines that can help you stay healthy and lower or eliminate the chances of spreading HIV to others. There are also medicines you can take to help keep you from getting HIV.
At Planned Parenthood, we have services to help prevent HIV and support people who are HIV-positive and their partners.
We offer services in:
- HIV testing
- HIV treatment support and referrals
- PEP (post-exposure HIV prevention)
- PrEP (ongoing HIV prevention)
- Other HIV services
Schedule your appointment at a Planned Parenthood Southwest Ohio health center today.
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