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I want a boyfriend who’s funny, sweet, and cute… but it’s unlikely I’ll find one, since guys barely notice me

(Just so you know: this actually wasn’t a question submitted to Ask the Experts; it was a comment that showed up on our new Planned Parenthood Info for Teens Facebook page. So technically, this is a “No One Asked the Experts” post… but we think it’s something a lot of people can relate to, so we wanted to respond.)

Feeling undesirable — like no one we’re interested in will ever notice us, ask us out, or like us back  — is a really lonely but really universal experience. Sometimes it can seem like everybody else in the world is dating and falling in love except for us, and that can make us feel like we’re just not good enough to join the party. But here are two things to keep in mind:

  1. Love (or romance, or dating, or mutual likeage, or whatever you want to call it) will show up eventually, if you want it to. And until then, there’s nothing wrong with youIt’s an annoying fact of the universe that you can’t fast forward to the part where you find that funny, sweet, cute boyfriend. But what you can do in the meantime is explore all the other things in the world that interest you, and keep becoming the girl you want to be. This might sound corny, but we swear it can help: make a list of all the reasons you’re awesome. Add to it whenever something new occurs to you. And try reading it over when you’re feeling unnoticeable.
  2. Remember that you’re not alone. Plenty of other people feel the same way and worry about this stuff, too. Relationships can be complicated for everybody  — guys and girls. The same guys who you think barely notice you could be stressing out about the very same thing! Everybody might be so worried about feeling unnoticed, they don’t notice all the unnoticing going on.You could even try striking up conversation with a guy you wish would notice you. (It’s kind of hard to not notice someone who’s talking to you.)

Good luck!