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how do you get the guy to date you when you both like each other and you both know the other person likes you?

(Just so you know: this actually wasn’t a question submitted to Ask the Experts; it was a question that showed up on our new Planned Parenthood Info for Teens Facebook page. So technically, this is a “No One Asked the Experts” post… but we think it’s something a lot of people can relate to, so we wanted to respond.)

Navigating the whole “mutual likeage” thing — when you both like each other, and you both know you both like each other, and you both know you both know you like each other, and on and on, you get the idea — is really hard! It can feel a little like you’re stuck in a romance stalemate. But while it might seem like you’re out of moves, we promise you’re not.

Brainstorm a list of all the different actions you could take. For example, you could tell him, point-blank, “hey, I like you.” You could write him a note, or a text, or an IM. You could invite him to hang out with a group of your mutual friends (which can be a lot less stressful and more fun than going out on a one-on-one DATE date). You could do nothing and hope he makes the first move. For every action you come up with, think about how it might play out, and how okay you’d be with the potential consequences. If you told him you liked him or asked him out, what could his possible reactions be? How would each one make you feel? How would not doing anything make you feel?

Getting a sense of all your options and their possible outcomes can make the situation feel more under control, and it can also help you figure out what you want. Making the first move can be scary, but being honest about your feelings can often feel really great, too. Whatever you decide to do, keep in mind that:

  1. Liking another person is nothing to be embarrassed about or ashamed of, and
  2. Everybody becomes comfortable with love and relationship stuff at his or her own pace. You might feel ready to go out with this guy, but he might not feel the same way yet. It doesn’t mean anything’s wrong with either one of you.

Good luck!

Tags: relationships, dating