Someone asked us: 3 months ago I gave birth to my baby and my sex life has changed a lot. I no longer feel pleasure and I have almost no sexual desire. What can I do?
After having a baby, our bodies (and minds!) go through so many changes: the hormonal roller coaster that follows childbirth, changes in your breast or belly size, the wound from a C-section or stitches from a tear, not to mention being responsible for a new little person that you're just getting to know. It's completely normal (and common!) for sex to feel different or just not be one of your priorities right now. Low sex drive after having a baby can last several months or longer.
Most doctors and nurses recommend waiting 6 weeks after giving birth (either by vaginal delivery or cesarean section) to have vaginal sex again. However, just because your doctor or nurse gave you the OK at your postpartum visit, that doesn't mean you have to have sex. It's important to talk to your partner about how you feel, so that you’re both on the same page. Because only you can know when you’re ready, and no one should ever pressure you to have sex.
If you're worried about low sex drive, or if something hurts or bothers you during sex, here are some things you can try:
Talk openly with your partner: Having a baby can change your dynamic with your partner. Honest communication and patience are key. Don't blame yourself or your partner, — this situation is super common and will most likely pass. Facing it as a team can help you find solutions, determine priorities, and avoid feelings of disconnection, which can make things worse. If you’re having difficulty communicating, or if the topic of sex has become a problem between you, consider couples therapy, sex therapy, or individual counseling.
Rediscover your body, be kind to yourself, and give yourself time: Childbirth changes your body, so it’s normal for the ways in which you feel pleasure or reach an orgasm to also change. Masturbation can be a great way to rediscover what feels good for you and what doesn't. Take things slowly and be patient. Maybe you have a lot of things on your mind (worries, insecurities, a to-do list, etc) that make it difficult to focus on sex and pleasure. If this is the case, try to relax as much as you can and focus on the moment and the sensations you’re feeling.
Use lubricant, and don't forget foreplay: Lube is your friend, and foreplay is a great way to help you prepare for vaginal penetration. Foreplay includes things like kissing, massage, oral sex, stimulation with fingers or sex toys, and sharing sexual fantasies. Talk to your partner about what they would like to try and what would help you feel aroused.
Talk to your doctor or nurse: Sometimes we may feel embarrassed to talk about our sex life with a medical professional. But the truth is, they've heard it all, and they're there to help you, not judge you. Your doctor or nurse can help you figure out what's happening with your body, and recommend treatments for low sex drive, vaginal dryness, and pain during sex. They may also refer you to a pelvic floor therapy specialist, who can help if, for example, your vagina feels “loose.”
And finally, if you’re having sex and don't want to get pregnant, don’t forget to use birth control. Contact your nearest Planned Parenthood health center for more information about this and any other questions you may have about sex after giving birth.
Tags: relationships, pleasure