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my friend had a few to drink she is a minor. she told me she said no to having sex he said i know you want it. he was sober. is that considered rape? i think it is but she dosent want to tell her mom.


The legal definition of rape is different in different states, but yes, in general what you described is considered rape — when someone has sex with someone who doesn’t say they want to have sex. It’s also considered rape for someone sober to have sex with someone who is drunk or high.

Regardless of what your friend wants to call it, she may be going through a very hard time right now. It’s good that she has a friend like you that she trusts so she knows she’s not alone. While she may not feel comfortable talking with her mom, it’s a good idea for her to talk with some other adult she trusts  in person about it. That could be an aunt or uncle, a teacher, or a doctor or nurse (the staff at your local Planned Parenthood health center are there to help). She can also speak with someone online or on the phone at the Rape Abuse Incest National Network.

Ultimately it’s up to your friend to decide if she wants to reach out to someone or not. The best thing you can do as someone who cares about her is let her know about these resources, encourage her to get help, and be there for her if she wants to talk.

-Emily at Planned Parenthood

Tags: rape, sexual assault