Bullying can take many forms, including insults, threats, physical attacks, and sexual assault. Sometimes it's more subtle, like spreading rumors to try to ruin a person's reputation, or trying to manipulate someone. Whatever form it takes, bullying can make going to school pretty painful. According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, more than five percent of kids miss at least a day of school each month because they are afraid to go.
Bullies often pick on kids who don't fit the social norm at school kids who aren't the same race or religion as most people in school; who are, or appear to be, lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender; who are "too fat" or "too skinny"; who don't like the same music as other kids or don't wear the "right" clothes; or kids who simply appear to be troubled or different in some way.
Bullies will think of a million excuses to single someone out as a target for their own insecurities and issues. Although it's our differences that make us unique and interesting, in junior high and high school and throughout life bullies can make those differences feel like burdens.
Fighting Back
Fortunately, communities are taking steps to reduce bullying at schools. Over the past five years, 20 states have enacted anti-bullying laws, including six states this year. Schools across the country call in groups like HiTops, an adolescent health organization in New Jersey, to hold workshops for teachers or students on how to reduce bullying.
Dr. Elizabeth Casparian, director of educational services at HiTops, agrees that bullying has become "a hot-button topic in almost every school." The key to stopping bullying, she says, is for kids to get to know and care about each other. "Having everybody say 'we have a zero-tolerance policy for bullying' is great, but it doesn't solve the problem," she says. "The bully has to have some understanding that the person they are hurting is actually a person."
HiTops conducts activities in classrooms, where there's a cross-section of kids from various cliques. In one activity, students work in small groups to create a presentation such as a skit or photography project about a bullying or harassment problem they've seen or experienced. Then they present it to another group of students that has to come up with a solution.
Overall, though, establishing a zero tolerance for bullying comes down to school support, not a particular teaching technique, says Cassparian. The schools that have the most success have everyone on board, she says, from the principal to the staff to the PTA, and have activities for both classrooms and parents.
Looking Out for You
Roshann, 15, says she's noticed something else about bullying it tends to drop off as teens get older. "By the time teens hit their junior year they stop wasting their time with drama at school," she says. Casparian agrees that bullying which can start as early as preschool peaks in middle school and the first years of high school.
Of course, being told that you'll outgrow the problem isn't all that comforting when you're a target. Here are a few different strategies for dealing with bullies:
- Speak up. Tell bullies that you don't care if they don't like your hair or your car. Or make a joke of it. Bullies thrive on making people upset don't give them the satisfaction of making youangry.
- Get personal. Some bullies pick on people just to show off for their friends. Try approaching bullies when they're alone and telling them that they're hurting your feelings. If they don't have an audience, they're more likely to be real with you.
- Ignore them. Sometimes just walking away and ignoring bullies will make them lose interest.
- Tell an adult. Find an adult who will listen to you like a parent, teacher, or counselor. The goal isn't necessarily to have the adult intervene which can make bullying worse but to help you come up with some strategies for solving the problem.
- Find out about the law in your state. If you live in one of the 20 states that have laws against bullying, your family can seek legal advice and press charges against the bullies and anyone who cooperates with them.
Getting support from friends who can eat lunch with you or walk home with you can also soften the bite of bullying. If you're with a friend, the harassment may feel less threatening. Having friends to hang out with will also make you feel good, and can make a bully's harassment seem less important.
