The crush of your life asked you out. Life feels perfect. Or it seems like it would be perfect if it weren't for your parents. They're interfering with your precious love life with their stupid dating rules. We're talking curfews, age restrictions, enforced "group dates," and more. Help!!

You might sneak around. My buddy, Buck, says he'd sometimes know he'd get in trouble for something, but would figure it was worth it. But he admits his folks lost trust in him — resulting in even stricter rules. His advice? "Try to find some compromise. Both sides should try to work out something livable."

Eek! Talk to your parents? Yep. A respectful discussion, with an eye to communicating, negotiating, and compromising, could be your social life's salvation.

Why, Why, Why?

Amazingly enough, ruining your fun isn’t usually a parent's life goal. They may be trying to help you. You hear nagging coming from your mom's mouth; she thinks of those same words as protecting someone she loves.

Carol Weston, author of GIRLTALK: All the Stuff Your Sister Never Told You and For Girls Only points out, "Some parents have ridiculous rules. But others have insights and experience worth listening to." She adds, "There's a reason why parents think 15-year-olds shouldn't be dating 20-year-olds." Mostly, they're probably worried about you and your safety, even if that seems totally irrational to you.

Set defensiveness aside while you ponder how rational your parents' rules truly are. If your parents are like most, there are going to be some rules. But, there's a whole spectrum from totally unreasonable (you're 17 and can't go out with your friends) to completely sane (you're 17 and can't go on an overnight with a 30-year-old biker). Where on that range are your restrictions?

The Chat

Here's a one-word goal as you dish with your folks: Respect. You want it. But the only way you'll get it is if you give it out, too. That eliminates door slamming, crying, screaming, and accusing. Also consider:

  • Privacy — make "the talk" family only.
  • Calmness — pick a mellow time rather than right after an argument.
  • Feelings — tell your parents how their rules make you feel.
  • Compromise — you want to stay out until midnight; your folks say 10 p.m. is your curfew. Suggest 11 p.m.
  • Compromise, part 2 — they've agreed to 11 p.m.? Show up at 11 p.m. The more responsibly you act, the more your parents will treat you as a responsible adult.
  • Negotiating — if Sam can study with me weeknights, I'll maintain or improve my GPA.
  • Introductions — suggest they meet your squeeze, so they can see him as a person rather than some shadowy figure out to take advantage of their child.

What will you gain from your parents via communication, respect, compromise, and responsibility? Weston says, "Respecting their rules and discussing them with maturity is the best way to get them to think about bending the rules for you while still enjoying harmony at home."