When it comes to good communication, it takes two to tango.
During the crush phase, miscommunication can be part of the fun — a whole lunch hour can be spent analyzing what his most recent "hello" meant. But once you're dating?

The guessing games are a lot less fun. You wonder why he isn't making an effort to spend more time with you on Friday nights; he wonders why you seem so peeved — and if you don't find a way to communicate your feelings to each other, things just get messy for everyone involved.

Take, for example, Sam and Eve, both 15 years old. They've been dating for several months (seven if you ask Sam; "eight months with a little bit of off-time" according to Eve) and have found that talking usually lets them sort things out. And when it doesn't? Picking up on nonverbal communication clues can help.

"When I'm angry, I start to snap at him or get really sarcastic, and when I'm hurt I just get really quiet," Eve says. "He definitely picks up on it most of the time."

"Yeah, I pick up on it," Sam says. "And I can usually tell her what's wrong. I was always afraid that telling the truth might hurt, but now that I know that it won't, I'm cool with it."

It Takes Two

When it comes to good communication, it takes two to tango — which means both people in the relationship have to talk about how they feel. If not, you may find yourself the newest resident of Miscommunication City, population: 2.

Sixteen-year-old Myrita's boyfriend isn't as expressive as she would sometimes like — and it can mean trouble. "We have terrible communication problems," she says. "We never talk, and it causes a lot of issues. That's definitely the hardest part of being in a relationship."

When one half of a couple clams up, the other one sometimes falls silent, too — out of insecurity or just out of discomfort with addressing the problem — and the cycle of ignoring issues just keeps on going. Monika, 13, says her response is a drastic one: "I hide my feelings," she admits.

Talking Tips

If lack of communication is a problem in your relationship, here are some methods to use to get both parties to open up:

  • Try talking. Don't just assume the other person doesn't care — she or he probably does, and you deserve answers. Having good communication skills means you and your partner can talk openly about feelings with each other. It also means that you can listen to each other without judgment.
  • Don't be defensive. Even if your feelings are hurt, try to approach the conversation as objectively — and calmly — as you can. Try not to attack each other. It's better to say things like, "What you did was really inconsiderate," than, "You're so inconsiderate!"
  • Aim for a solution. Think about how to resolve the problem before the talk, and focus on positive solutions during the discussion.
  • Take a step back. During 16-year-old Adam's most recent argument with his girlfriend, he found that a little perspective helped. "I realized that the argument was not that big of a deal, and I decided to drop it," he says. "She agreed, and everything was cool."
  • Accept apologies. Grudges are about as useful as geometry after high school. You don't need to hold on to that anger; and really, Pythagoras' theorem isn't going to come in handy much, either.

Finally, keep in mind that communication takes practice. "Communicating was harder in the beginning," says Sam, and Eve is quick to agree. "Over the course of our relationship, I've grown more comfortable with him, so I usually don't hesitate anymore to let him know how I feel," she says.

'Nuff said.