High school junior Jen Brown just got dumped by her boyfriend, Max. She's devastated. Everything reminds her of Max, and all she can think about is how badly she wants him back.
This is what happens in the first chapter of Melissa Kantor's novel, The Breakup Bible. We recently caught up with Melissa Kantor, who is also the author of Confessions of a Not It Girl and If I Have a Wicked Stepmother, Where's my Prince? to talk with her about breaking up and writing about relationships.
What made you decide to write a novel about a girl who's going through her first breakup?
Melissa Kantor (MK): It just seemed like such rich ground for fiction because I can't think of many situations that are as emotionally intense as a breakup. I just remember feeling sick when a boyfriend broke up with me. One minute you're saying, I love you and texting and calling each other constantly and making out in the hallways and happier than you've ever been in your life and the next it's just ... over. And it always felt like the boy who broke up with me moved on in about a second while I spent weeks or months trying to get over him.
The story of Jennifer and Max isn't my story in any literal sense. I mean, none of the things that happen to Jennifer ever happened to me. But all of her feelings (What's wrong with me? Why doesn't he like me anymore? If I changed in some way, would we get back together?) are definitely feelings I've had.
It's not clear whether Jen and Max have had sex, although it's obvious that they've at least made out. Did you intentionally decide to leave sex out of the book, and if so, why?
MK: Oooh, good question. It's definitely true that all of my books are fairly tame when it comes to sex (none of them go beyond second base). And I recently got a very generous e-mail from a reader who asked why, since I present teen drinking and other things so truthfully, I don't go into more detail about the sex lives of my characters.
I think there are a couple of reasons. First, I teach junior high and high school and a lot of the kids I teach read my books. So that makes me a little self-conscious about writing graphic sex scenes. I feel like it would be weird to learn about ... I don't know ... what it's like to give a hand job from your freshman English teacher. So there's definitely some self-censorship going on.
But in addition, I think it is really really hard to write about early sexual experiences in a way that's honest and straightforward and that captures all of their anxiety and confusion and pleasure. I have tremendous respect for writers who do so (Judy Blume and Norma Klein are two of the greatest), and I'd like to bring more frank discussions of sex into my future books. It's definitely on my agenda.
Jen's grandmother gives her a self-help book called The Breakup Bible, which promises that women can get over breakups quickly if they follow a certain set of rules. Do you think there is any truth to that idea?
MK: Anyone who tells you that you can get over a breakup (or any painful experience, for that matter) in just a few easy steps is either a fool or a fraud.
Breakups are really hard. You feel totally exposed and lost. Will I ever be happy again? What's wrong with me that the person I love doesn't love me back? The idea that these enormously difficult, painful questions can be answered with some easy, feel-good advice is just absurd.
That said, while I don't think you can avoid all of the pain of a breakup, I think there are things you can do to help yourself survive one. Like, do you really have to go to the party where your ex is going to be? Probably not. Maybe this is the Friday night to stay in with your friends and rent stupid movies the two of you would never have watched together. Still, nothing is going to make the breakup painless. Only time can do that.
Do you see your novel as a kind of self-help book? How do you think writing about breaking up affects your readers?
MK: It's funny, I never thought of the book as a self-help book when I was writing it; I only meant to tell the story of a junior in high school girl who's going through real heartbreak. But I've gotten a ton of e-mails from readers who say that reading about what happens to Jennifer and Max has really helped them get through their own painful breakups. So even though I didn't intend it as advice or self-help, I'm thrilled that it's made girls who were feeling lousy feel better.
Did you have any favorite novels when you were growing up? Did they inspire you as a writer?
MK: Judy Blume was such a favorite of mine. Forever was actually the only book my mother ever forbade me to read (I read it immediately, of course). And my most favorite young adult wrier is Norma Klein. Many of her books are out of print now, but she writes about relationships and sex and friendships so beautifully that it's worth tracking them down. My all-time favorite YA novel is her It's Okay if You Don't Love Me, and I recommend Love Is One of the Choices and Breaking Up, which are also by Norma Klein.
Do you remember your first breakup?
MK: I was 15, and Scott P. dumped me for Barri R. I spent the next few months sitting on my couch watching General Hospital, where Frisco was trying to deal with the fact that Felicia had dumped him (YouTube it if you want to get the full flavor of the 1980s).
I felt like Frisco was the only person who could understand my pain. (He and Felicia ended up getting back together and getting married later. Scott and I did not share their fate.) Even though I was only a freshman in high school, I was positive I was going to be alone forever, that I'd never be happy again. It was pretty horrible.
Do you have any advice for teens who may be going through a tough breakup?
MK: Spend time with friends who don't mind listening to you talk about your breakup constantly. You must, must, must stay on top of schoolwork or you'll regret it forever. Eat as much ice cream as you need to. Give yourself time to be really, really sad. And even though you definitely won't believe these words you're reading, you will be happy again. I promise.
