When Rachel was hospitalized with a thyroid problem, she discovered she had more than homework to deal with when she went back to school. "Everyone was saying all kinds of stuff about me," says Rachel, 16. "Some people were saying I was in the hospital because I had a horrible eating disorder, and others were saying that I'd OD'd on ecstasy."

For a while, Rachel was really angry and tried to set everybody straight. But after a while, she realized it wasn't worth the stress. "My friends and people I cared about knew what had really happened," she says. "And I started thinking that what everyone else was saying wasn't important."

Dealing With It

Anyone who has ever been the subject of a rumor knows it's not always easy to show Rachel's grace. Sometimes it's hard to dismiss when you're being dissed, but before you hunt down and threaten bodily harm to trash talkers (which is never a good idea, really!), consider these steps:

  • Determine the damage. Think about what's really being said. Is it just harmless chatter, or is it something that could potentially hurt you or someone you know?
  • Do damage control. If you are the subject of a hurtful rumor, it's a good idea to seek out the people whose opinions really do count — like your friends, family, and teachers. Make sure they know the truth.
  • Forget about it. Understand that you might not be able to set everyone straight, and it doesn't really matter if you don't. If someone is more interested in spreading rumors than learning the real deal, others will catch on, and the rumor spreader will look like a hater.

The Other Side of the Fence

But what happens when you find yourself on the other side of the gossip fence? There's a thin line between talking about what you've heard and being petty, but if you're constantly loose-lipped with sketchy stories, you might be the one whose reputation suffers.

That's what happened to Jackie during her junior year of high school. "I didn't actually start the rumor, but someone asked me if one of my good friends was gay, and even though I wasn't sure, I said that I thought so, and then a bunch of people started talking about it," says Jackie, now 21. "Because my friend and I were pretty close, everyone took what I said as the truth. Before I knew it, the rumor was everywhere, and my friend found out and confronted me, saying he'd heard that I was the one who started it."

Jackie tried to undo the damage by going back to the people she'd told and setting them straight, but it took a long to time to rebuild trust with her buddy. "Even years later he's still reluctant to tell me things because he thinks I might tell everyone," Jackie admits. (And by the way, it's never a good idea to "out" one of your friends, even if he or she is gay.)

Talk Is Cheap

So before you pay the gab tab to get into a conversation, consider the following: Is the gossip helpful or hurtful? What counts as good gossip? Stuff that's useful and won't hurt anyone — like positions opening on the cheerleading squad, a place to score cheap tuxedo rentals for the prom, or news that a friend got into a great college.

Not sure? Flip the situation around — how would you feel if you were the subject of that conversation? If you realize the gossip is the hurtful kind, try to take yourself out of the rumor mill. Simply tell the talkers that you like the person they're chatting about and don't want to talk about her or him. They'll probably even give you props for taking the high road!