According to a Kaiser Family Foundation survey, nearly 90 percent of teens said that people their age sometimes use drugs or alcohol before having sex — and 50 percent of teens say their peers frequently mix sex with drugs or alcohol. Aside from the fact that drugs and teen drinking are illegal, being drunk or high can interfere with a healthy sex life — and a healthy relationship. Here's why.

Why Sober Is Sexier

There are many reasons why drugs (including alcohol) and sex are a bad mix. Let's start with the physical. Drinking or doing drugs can sometimes make people feel aroused — maybe that's why so many movies, TV shows, and ads make it seem like being drunk or high makes sex better. But the truth is quite a different story — alcohol and many drugs can actually interfere with orgasm, and can make it difficult for guys to get erections. Not so sexy after all.

For chronic drinkers, the effects are even more disturbing than not being able to keep it up during a Saturday night binge. A new scientific study released in October makes it clear that chronic drinking not only causes impotence, feminine breast development in men, and shrinking testicles — it also increases the chances of infertility. Again — not very sexy!

Making Good Decisions

Having sex is a big decision that requires careful thought. Adding drugs or alcohol to the mix can cloud people's judgment. According to the Kaiser Family Foundation, nearly one-third of young adults have reported that they've "done more" sexually under the influence of alcohol and drugs than they planned while sober. If you're thinking about having sex — or any kind of sex play — it's important to think about it and discuss it with your partner while sober.

Mixing sex with alcohol or other drugs also increases the chances of unintended pregnancy and exposure to sexually transmitted infections. If you have sex when you are drunk or high, you are much less likely to be thinking clearly enough to use condoms, or use them correctly.

Communication Breakdown

Drug and alcohol use can interfere with communication and consent. "It impairs your communication skills — and it doesn't take much alcohol [or other drugs] to do that," says Dr. Scott Spear, director of clinical health services at the University of Wisconsin-Madison Health Services.

Being drunk or high can also make teens more vulnerable to sexual assault. Someone who doesn't want to have sex may be too out of it to say "no" while under the influence of drugs or alcohol. (By the way, it's actually against the law to have any sexual contact with a person who is incapacitated because of alcohol or drugs.)

Intimacy Issues

Being drunk or high can also get in the way of emotionally connecting with a sex partner. Having sex is one way to become intimate with someone. Sharing intimacy is about having fun — and about being honest, respectful, and caring. Using alcohol or drugs can actually undermine all the good things about sharing a sexual experience with someone.

Some people eventually realize that they or their partners only have sex or sex play while drunk or high. "This is a red flag that there's something going on," says Dr. Spear. "It's a good thing to question it and not think it's normal."

Maybe you or your partner is unhappy in your relationship or isn't comfortable having sex. Maybe one of you is struggling with low self-esteem, body image issues, feelings of guilt, problems at school, or family troubles. Getting drunk or high may be one way of trying to mask — or cover up — pain, insecurity, or mixed feelings about sex.

Getting Help

Using drugs or alcohol can keep people from confronting their feelings and working through their problems. If you think you need help, talk to a trusted adult, like a parent, teacher, school counselor, or a religious advisor.

If your partner's use of alcohol or other drugs has you worried, then you probably need to have a conversation about it. But before you do, it might be helpful to talk with a trusted adult first, who can help you figure out the best way to talk with your partner. An adult may also be able to help you find additional resources that help teens with alcohol and drug problems.

Here are some tips from the Partnership for a Drug-Free America to help you talk with your partner:

  • Have your conversation when your partner is sober.
  • Let your partner know that you care and are worried.
  • Use specific examples of how your partner acts when drunk or high — and how that behavior is worrisome.
  • Offer your help — like the information you gathered when you asked an adult for help.
  • Be prepared for your partner to get angry during this discussion. Just let her or him know that you care and want to help.

You can also call the National Drug and Alcohol Treatment Referral Service at 1-800-662-HELP or the National Clearinghouse for Alcohol and Drug Information at 1-800-729-6686.