Recognize we are all sexual beings.
Yes, even your teens! We are sexual from the moment we're born until we die. In fact, sexual expression is a basic human need throughout our lives. It is perfectly normal for your teens to experience sexual feelings and curiosity. That's part of making the transition from adolescence to adulthood. But some parents worry that acknowledging these feelings or giving "too much" information about sex "too soon" will encourage their teens to become sexually active before they are ready. But parental involvement actually helps create sexually healthy and responsible adults. You can't harm your kids by talking openly and honestly with them about sexuality. There's no such thing as too much information too soon, but too little information can increase their risk of unintended pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections when they do become sexually active.
Don't panic!
In the US, the average age of first intercourse for boys is 16 and for girls 17. But this doesn't mean that all teens begin having sex when they reach these ages. Just because your teens ask you about sex doesn't mean that they're having sex. Remember, the more open and honest communication you have with your kids throughout their lives, the more likely they will trust you and come back to you for information that will help them make sexually healthy and responsible decisions.
So the next time your son or daughter asks you about sex, instead of avoiding the topic or jumping to conclusions, try using one or more of the following conversation starters: "I'm glad you asked that...", "Good question...", "Do you understand what that means?", and "I don't know, but why don't we find out together?"
Avoid reinforcing stereotypical gender roles.
Teens get all kinds of messages about what it means to be a man or a woman from the media, their schools, their friends and their relatives. Most of the time, what they see and hear promotes gender stereotype such as, "It's more important for women to be beautiful than smart", or "To become a man you have to lose your virginity". These messages can have harmful effects on your teens and cause them to become sexually active before they're really ready. You can help dispel these myths by letting your teens know your values and your expectations for their future. Help them understand that becoming a woman or a man has less to do with sexual activity and more to do with healthy self-respect and respect for others. Also remind them that the best dating relationships are those that are honest, equal and responsible. And remember - teens often learn by example. So set a good one. What you model in your own personal relationships is often what teens believe good relationships should look like.
Keep talking!
Parents often get caught up in having one, big talk about sex with their kids - and then they hope they're done and can sail through high school graduation without incident. But the truth is your teens need to hear from you on a continuous basis. Each phase of their growth will present different situations and questions. So be receptive and let 'the talk' go. Instead, make talking and listening part of your lifelong relationship with your kids.
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