TALKING TO YOUR KIDS ABOUT SEX

Many parents avoid talking openly about sex and health with their children because they're embarrassed or don't know how to start the conversation. But not having these important discussions leaves your children vulnerable to the unrealistic sexual messages they get from advertising, music, videos and uninformed peers each day.

Your children's best, most accurate source of information about sexuality is you, their parent. Through your guidance, they will be better at separating fact from fiction, and you will be prepared to convey your values about healthy sexuality and loving relationships. Teens don't want a lecture, but they do want (and need) support and guidance to make healthy decisions as they journey toward adulthood.

Here's some tips to make things easier for both of you:

Recognize that we are all sexual beings.

Yes, even your teens! We are sexual from the moment we're born until we die. In fact, sexual expression is a basic human need throughout our lives. It is perfectly normal for your teens to experience sexual feelings and curiosity. That's part of making the transition from adolescence to adulthood. But some parents worry that acknowledging these feelings or giving "too much" information about sex "too soon" will encourage their teens to become sexually active before they are ready. Parental involvement in teens' lives actually helps create sexually healthy and responsible adults. You can't harm your kids by talking openly and honestly about sex and sexuality. There's no such thing as too much information too soon, but too little information could increase their risk of experiencing unintended pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections.

Don't panic!

In the US, the average age of first intercourse for boys is 16 and for girls 17. But this doesn't mean that all teens begin having sex when they reach these ages. Just because your teens ask you about sex doesn't mean that they're having sex. Remember, the more open and honest communication you have with your kids about sexuality throughout their lives, the more likely they will come back to you for information that will help them make sexually healthy and responsible decisions. So the next time your son or daughter asks you about sex, instead of avoiding the topic or jumping to conclusions, try using one or more of the following conversation starters: "I'm glad you asked that...", "Good question...", "Do you understand what that means?", and "I don't know, but why don't we find out together?"

Avoid reinforcing stereotypical gender roles.

Teens get all kinds of messages about what it means to be a man or a woman from the media, their schools, their friends and their parents. Most of the time, what they see and hear promotes gender stereotype such as, "It's more important for women to be beautiful that smart", or "To become a man you have to lose your virginity". These messages can have harmful effects on your teens and can cause them to become sexually active before they're really ready. You can help dispel these myths by letting your teens know your values and your expectations for them and their future. Help them understand that becoming women and men has less to do with engaging in sexual activity and more to do with healthy self-respect and respect for others. Also remind them that the best dating relationships are those that are honest, equal and responsible. And remember - teens often learn by example. What you model in your own personal relationships is often what teens believe good relationships should be.

Keep talking!

Parents often get caught up in having one, big talk about sex with their kids - and then they hope they're done. But the truth is your teen needs to hear from you on a continuous basis. Each phase of their growth will present different situations and questions. Relax! Be receptive and let talking about sex and reproduction be part of your lifelong relationship with your kids.

Need more information?

Contact our Education and Outreach staff in your community for more information about our resources for parents.

Check out our web resources for tips and information geared toward parents, caregivers and educators.

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To make an appointment or for more information, please contact one of our local health centers directly or call 1-800-230-PLAN to be connected to the Planned Parenthood health center nearest you.