Remember, it's OK not to have ALL the answers and to be a little embarrassed. Sharing this feeling will help a child better understand your reactions and feel OK if she or he is embarrassed too. The main thing is to keep your conversations going! And to keep your sense of humor.
When you’re talking with your child or a young friend about reproduction, anatomy, sex, or sexuality . . .
1. Be aware of the world in which children live.
Understand the pressures they are feeling and what they consider normal. At every age, be clear about what children need and want to know. It's never too early to share medically accurate information!
2. Be supportive.
Build children’s self-esteem. Offer constructive advice, and avoid criticism and punishment. Reassure them that they’re normal.
3. Be clear about your own values.
You’re a role model for children. Make it a habit to share what you think and feel. Show children how your life is enriched by your values. And discuss the importance of responsibility for choices and decisions.
4. Make yourself available to listen and talk.
Take advantage of “teachable moments.” Use topics like a friend's pregnancy or a TV show or movie to begin a conversation. If you’re uncomfortable, you can start by saying something like, “This is hard for me to talk about. (or My parents and I never discussed these things.) But I want you to have someone to talk with.”
5. Show interest in children’s thoughts and opinions.
Ask questions even if they don’t. Or ask why they are asking—and what they think. Try to avoid de-valuing a child's question or situation.
6. Accept questions at face value.
For example, “How old do you have to be to have sex?” doesn’t necessarily mean “I’m thinking about having sex.”
7. Give accurate, short, and simple answers.
Always use medically accurate terms and share factual information. [link to Get the Facts](It’s all available on this site.) Include discussions about sexual orientation and sexual abuse.
8. Be honest when you don’t know something.
If a child asks a question and you don't know the answer, it's OK to say so. Use the opportunity to learn something together. The Youth section on this site is an especially good resource.
9. Be calm, open, and nonjudgmental.
Let your body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice support what you’re saying in words. Acknowledge that others may have different values about sexuality. Teach them that respect for differences is important.
10. Don’t pry or threaten.
Respect a teenager’s privacy as much as you value your own. And don't use scare tactics as a way to stop teens from having sex—it doesn't work!
