Level Four — Meeting Our Children’s Needs for Self-Esteem
Self-esteem begins with receiving unconditional love and support — especially from our parents. Kids really want to know that they're "normal." We must teach them that it is “normal” to be different. Giving our kids a sense of worth, competence, and normality will also help them develop respect for others.
Praise is the best way to teach self-esteem. We should praise honesty, independence, talent, effort, fair play, and kindness. We erode our kids’
self-esteem when we ridicule, humiliate, or hit them.
Offering options instead of giving orders lets them become good decision makers, too. Begin with small choices, for example, ask if they want pasta or burgers for supper. Let the decisions get bigger as the child gets older.
Level-Four Reality Check — Needs for Self-Esteem
Realistic Unrealistic
[] [] I am more likely to praise than criticize my child.
[] [] I reward positive behavior.
[] [] I believe mistakes are good opportunities to provide
positive learning experiences.
[] [] I can help my child learn to be proud of her or his body,
appearance, talents, and intellect.
[] [] I can help my child take pride in her or his moral values,
behaviors, and relationships.
[] [] I can apologize to my child.
[] [] I can offer my child reasonable alternatives, instead
of commands.
These are all realistic goals for good parents. Parents who try to meet these basic “level four” needs help their children go on to develop needs for knowledge and understanding.
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