Our children need to know how to balance their individual needs with the needs of others. This takes self-discipline. Self-discipline is knowing how to behave within the rules. It’s our job to coach our children to understand moral values and
follow rules inside and outside the home.
Reasoning is always better than punishment as a way to keep children from breaking rules. Asking a child to take “time out” to think about her or his
behavior is often helpful. Here are some guidelines for the rare occasions when punishment may be unavoidable.
Effective punishment
- is about the child’s behavior, not about the child’s character. The message is, “What you did was wrong,” not, “You’re a rotten kid!”
- is limited to a situation in which a rule was broken immediately follows the breaking of a rule
- is done calmly
- does not include the withdrawal of love and affection
- is not an assertion of a parent’s power, anger, or frustration
- includes explanations that do not give mixed messages
- includes a penalty — a “time out” or temporary loss of privilege
- does not inflict physical or emotional pain
- is brief
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