What Outercourse Is and How It Works

For some people, outercourse is sex play without vaginal intercourse. For others, it is sex play with no penetration at all — oral, anal, or vaginal. Some people also believe that any kind of penetrative sex play is too risky to be called "safer sex." But many people do have oral and anal sex — sometimes to avoid pregnancy or to "preserve their virginity" — so we include them here.

Like other forms of birth control, it keeps sperm away from the vagina and prevents pregnancy.

Effective Against Pregnancy

Outercourse offers nearly 100 percent protection against unintended pregnancy. But pregnancy is possible if semen or pre-ejaculate gets into the vagina. Pre-ejaculate is similar to semen. It may carry sperm. And it leaves the penis before a man "comes."

Effective Against Sexually Transmitted Infections

Outercourse greatly reduces the risk of HIV/AIDS and many other sexually transmitted infections — unless body fluids are exchanged through oral or anal intercourse. But some infections, like herpes and HPV, can be passed by skin-to-skin contact. Using latex barriers for any kind of penetration can reduce the risk of infection.

Advantages

Outercourse

• has no medical or hormonal side effects
  
  
• can be used as safer sex if semen and vaginal fluids are not exchanged
  
  
• can increase trust and intimacy between partners
  
  
• may make sex play last longer
  
  
• may help some women have more satisfying orgasms than they might have during vaginal intercourse
  
  
• can be used when no other birth control methods are available
  
  
• can help people better understand their bodies
  
  

Possible Problems

• Women and men may let outercourse lead to intercourse without being ready to protect themselves from pregnancy or infection.
  
  
• Some people may find it hard to abstain from intercourse.
  
  
• Sperm may come in contact with the vagina.
  
  

Who Can Use Outercourse

Any woman or man — straight, gay, or lesbian — can enjoy sex play without having intercourse. Outercourse may be the right birth control choice for you when you want to enjoy other ways to be sexual and give and receive pleasure.

How Outercourse is Used

There are many ways to be sexual without intercourse:

• Kissing — Many people enjoy exploring different ways of kissing. They may like to kiss each other's ears, necks, or shoulders — as well as other body parts.
  
  
• Masturbation — Many people enjoy masturbating — touching their own sex organs for pleasure. It's the most common way to be sexual. Partners can masturbate alone or together. They may hug and kiss while they do it. They can also watch each other — which can be exciting and a good way to learn what kind of touch a partner likes.
  
  
• Erotic Massage — Many couples massage each other. They touch and rub each other's sex organs. They may use their hands, bodies, or mouths. Couples may take turns helping each other reach orgasm. Sometimes people use oils and lotions to add to the pleasure. Touching is also a good way to learn what a partner likes.
  
  
• Body-to-Body Rubbing/Frottage — Many couples rub their bodies together — especially their sex organs — for pleasure and orgasm. Some people like to do this while they share a shower or bath.
  
  
• Fantasy — Couples can read or watch sexy stories or pictures together. It can also be exciting to share sexy fantasies. People do it in person, on the phone or Internet, or through e-mail. Acting out fantasies can be fun, too. Some people enjoy using costumes and props to add to their enjoyment.
  
  
• Sex Toys — These include vibrators and dildos. Toys can be used to explore and caress the body. Condoms can be used on toys that go into the vagina or anus. Condoms need to be used if partners want to share the same toy. Use a new condom for each partner — and for each part of the body. Sex toys need to be cleaned — different toys have different cleaning instructions.
  
  
• Oral Sex Play — Many people like to use their mouths on each other's sex organs. Oral sex on a woman is called cunnilingus. On a man it's called fellatio. It cannot cause pregnancy. But it can pass infection. Using a barrier can reduce the risks. Condoms that have been cut open, GlydeÒ dams, dental dams, and plastic wrap make good barriers for oral sex on a woman. Condoms make good barriers for oral sex on a man. Many people use latex or plastic barriers that are non-lubricated or flavored for oral sex.
  
  
• Anal Sex Play — Many people enjoy anal sex play. Partners can explore each other's buttocks, anus, and rectum with their hands, mouths, sex organs, or with toys. Anal sex play cannot cause pregnancy — but it can easily pass infection. Using a latex or plastic barrier can reduce the risks. Using lubrication can make it more comfortable.
  
  

Remember: No matter what kinds of sex play you and your partner choose to have, you both must

• have each other's consent
  
  
• never use pressure to get consent
  
  
• be attentive to each other's pleasure and satisfaction — you both have an equal right to sexual pleasure
  
  

Advantages for teens —

Outercourse can completely satisfy both partners and take a lot of pressure off young women and men.

Many teen women get little or no pleasure from sexual intercourse because their partners do not know how to give them pleasure. Outercourse helps partners learn about their bodies and how to give themselves and each other sexual pleasure.

Women have very different sexual response cycles than men. Men usually have one orgasm, and it is usually some time before they can have another. Women can have frequent and multiple orgasms. But many women don't have orgasms from vaginal stimulation. Most of them can have orgasms when the clitoris is stimulated — whether or not they are having vaginal intercourse. Sex play without intercourse can help women learn how to have orgasms.

Men also enjoy outercourse — even if they're shy about it in front of their partners. Outercourse allows men to be truly erotic without worrying about how well they "perform".

Caution — Outercourse is a form of birth control. It is also a lot like foreplay. They both add to sexual excitement and pleasure. And they can both lead to orgasm. The difference is that foreplay usually leads to intercourse. Outercourse may make you feel like having intercourse. Be careful! If you are going to have intercourse, you need to use another form of birth control — and protection from infection.

Talking About Outercourse

It is important to talk to your partner about wanting to enjoy outercourse and abstain from intercourse. But it may not be easy to do. Here are some tips for talking about outercourse:

• Think about what kinds of sex play you want to do and don't want to do.
  
  
• Practice having a discussion with your partner. What do you want to say? What are all the possible things your partner could say?
  
  
• Try to have talks with your partner before you get into a sexy situation.
  
  
• Talk when you both have time and privacy for these discussions.
  
  
• Be very clear about the limits you want to set. Remember that your partner cannot read your thoughts. It's important to talk about what you want and how you feel. It's important to hear your partner, too.
  
  
• If you are feeling nervous or embarrassed, tell your partner. Maybe your partner feels the same way you do. Sometimes sex is hard to talk about. It's okay to say that.
  
  
• Ask how your partner feels about outercourse. Being honest with each other can make a relationship more fulfilling.
  
  
• Set limits upon which you both can agree.
  
  
• Keep talking about the sexual limits you set together. What feels good? What may not be working out so well?
  
  
• If you decide to have intercourse, be sure you have another kind of birth control. Also be ready to protect yourself against infection.