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Ask Dr. Cullins: LGBTQ



Q:  A couple of nights ago I fooled around with my best friend. Does that mean I’m gay?

A: 

Not necessarily. Our sexual orientation — homosexual, heterosexual, or bisexual — is not based on the sex of the people we may have sexual contact with. It is based on the sex to which we are predominantly attracted. Someone who is gay or lesbian, for example, has a primary erotic, psychological, emotional, and social interest in people of the same sex. Likewise straight people have a primary erotic, psychological, emotional, and social interest in people of the opposite sex, and bisexual women and men have primary erotic, psychological, emotional, and social interests in people of either sex. In fact, most people understand their sexual orientation long before they actually have any kind of sex play with anyone.

Often people have sex with partners outside of their sexual orientation. For example, there are people with predominately same-sex fantasies and erotic attractions who have opposite-sex partners because they don’t want anyone to know they have same-sex desires and fantasies. Clinically speaking, such people are homosexual, even if they have never had same-sex sex.

On the other hand, many people, like those in prison or other single-sex communities, may have same-sex sex but have opposite-sex fantasies and erotic attraction. They are “situationally” homosexual because they have very limited alternatives. These women and men are, in fact, heterosexual. Bisexual people, who are equally attracted to both sexes, may spend years or a lifetime with one partner but still identify as bisexual because they remain attracted to both sexes. And then there are people who just enjoy playing with partners outside their sexual orientations every once in a while.

It is possible that our understanding of our sexual orientation will change as we grow up through childhood, adolescence, and adulthood. And we may have partners of the opposite or the same sex or both. But because there is such a cultural stigma against homosexual and bisexual orientations, it may take years, well into adulthood, for some people to fully identify and accept their sexual orientations.


This column is for informational purposes only and is not intended to constitute medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you have a medical problem, please call toll-free 1-800-230-PLAN for an appointment with the Planned Parenthood health center nearest you.


Published: 08.14.07

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